MuSiC oF mY LiFe

~~Wednesday, April 30, 2008~~

its done. after 3 mths of sheer torture. its done. for this semester.

been trying so hard these few weeks. i guess all ntu cbc students have been trying so hard these few wks ba. really must mention ntu cbc cos this course is really...painstreaking. haha. this course is certaining not for the weak heart. the endless nights of studying, the packets of coffee...redbull...books...repetition of music from playlist to keep us going...radio..all. all requires determination, endurance and...patience.

okok. just a summary of the exams. i took 5 papers, in sequence its: Defence Science, Calculus II, Analytical BioChem (ABC), Physics II, Biochem II.

Defence Science was tedious cos its 100%. Alot to study. But copeable. I was on the verge of falling aslp in exam again..cos its the same scenario. its a 5PM TO 7PM paper. its my most chui time. In case u all don't know, my lowest peak is that time. V chui. haha..brought gums in to chew.

And darn, the next day is Calculus II. I needed a freakin' 70m JUST to PASS that paper. Yes, it was THAT pathetic, and i ended defence science at 7pm, by the time i started my maths revision, its...9pm..haiz. I saw the paper and i sworn i tried my best man, but i noe my limitations. haha. 5big qns, 1qn v confident, 2qn good, 3rd..ok..4th..eh...5th..die. So..to pass FINAL is definite, to pass module is the qn. haha.

Then comes ABC, freaking loads of formulas. No formula list given. I flunked my midterm and i assured my lecturer he wun see me again. (i mentioned in my previous post i think). And i can say i tried my best too. haha..hope he wun see me again. BUt..its soo darn tedious. i couldn't finish.

THe next directly after ABC was physics II. this is one of the most disappointing exam i have ever taken in my LIFE. I did well enough all the while. I only needed a freakin 30m to get thru the module. And guess what. i noe i cant get it. This was a gamble, and i lost...BADLY. i had the idea that i will smile out of the exam hall no matter what. BUt i couldn't. I saw the paper. it was 2.5hrs paper, and i stopped writing after 30min. i cant do the paper. I gambled on topics, i gambled on qns. None came out except for a 15mark qn. I REALLY REALLY couldn't do the rest. Some called it mental block, some call it panic attack, i don't know. I can hear distinct pressing of calculators and busy scribblings from the tables beside. BUt i cant pen anything down. I tried. it was so disappointing that i cant bear to walk out of the exam hall like i always do if i decide to forgo the qns. Now its too much. i only needed 30m. I flipped the paper like umpteen times till its really wrinkled and sat thru the WHOLE 2.5hrs but its gone. Thanks alot, its the 1st time i felt so much like an academic failure. It may be sth tt others noe how it felt. But its nt easy for me to say i m gonna retake a module. failing tests is alr a huge adaptation to me, but to retake a module..to hell with tt. drank beer and all to end the nite. its a paper that i wept.

last module was biochem. a subject tt i have always had more confident to pass. tons to remb and till my hair turned white. but..at least it paid of nicely such that i can say i will pass this. i even went for POST exam dinner celebration the evening before my paper..lol..

seriously wondering if i made the wrong choice of chemistry instead of sticking to biology which is my forte. in any case, i noe i cant turn back now. i wun, for my character, i wun back out and change course. many pple i noe from my course did that, done that and some doing it this semester. I noe i wun...but its really really tough... 6 more semesters to go...

i told my mum that its really hard and she just said, "good things never come easy. this path is what u want right? if its so easy to get to it, maybe the success rate for every1 will be high too. and u wun make much out of it. u chose it, so u must do it." I hope its true.

I promise, i will try not to land myself in such shit hole again. i will redeem myself.

OK, end of that...and i m seriously gonna have ALOT of FUN!!! 3mths of hell needs equivalents or more to regain my "high" self. and this is a start baby! I have gave my post exam a mini start off alr..so do get me out of my pigsty and let's all have some fun pple. Bring it on! Mention it and we will do it. =)

Lastly, i got my Astrology & Cosmology module! 1.5mth of module. Gonna only have sch from every tue to thur, 1pm to 4pm. SO...wad are u waiting for...meet me and i will show u the world. haha...

" good times and the bad...u tried standing there by me. hard to believe, i think i m falling into it..=)"

3:53 PM